Could Fear Be Beautiful?

Hello my anxious hearts, I hope you’re doing ok. 

Today I want you to take a walk with me down to a new way of thinking about your anxiety. Is it possible to learn to love this side of you? To learn to see fear as a good thing? 

As a serial anxiety sufferer even the concept of loving this awful condition is ludicrous! But bear with me. 

I’ve recently read two really amazing books. Sarah Wilson’s – “But First We Make The Beast Beautiful”. And Katie Dean’s – “Becoming Brave”.

Both, whilst very different, touch on the fact that fear is actually a good thing. 

Now if you’ve danced in the dark with fear and anxiety, then you know that the last thing it feels is good. But the premise behind these authors’ opinions is this:

• Fear is required for survival.
• Fear makes us beautiful people. 

There is no denying both these points. 

Let’s talk survival:

We are born with a primeval sense of fear. It keeps us safe and alerts us to danger. It keeps the wolves and bears from our door. We are able to preempt and avoid danger so that we survive. We therefore continue. We thrive. 

The problem lies when our fear signals start shooting into overdrive. At times of high stress and anxiety we have our foot flat on the adrenal pedal and the flight or fight response takes our mind and body to unimaginable levels of fear and disaster. Our bodies and minds become wired for any possible threat. We fear our every thought. Our every move. It consumes us. 

But if for a moment we are able to switch our minds back to real time, in this moment, and actually remind ourselves that this barrage of thought and the unspeakable tsunami ripping through us is just fear trying to protect us, then we may see it as a good thing and not a thing that terrifies us. 

It’s not easy. But when I first read this it was like a light bulb moment. 

Our fear driven ego puts all sorts of hideous beasts in our way and makes us think we are in danger. It makes us think that there is a real threat and we may not make it. But that is what our fear response was set to do. To Protect us. 

The problem is that the confusion of real and perceived threats makes our head spin and our hearts race. But if you can take a back seat; a peripheral view, if you like, you can see that it’s just our own in-built security system trying to save us. 

Once you really get your head round this then you’re halfway to awareness of the beast, and potentially a less scary reality. 

Let’s talk beautiful people:

Have you ever considered that this in-built security system and the desire to be good and do good and want good, all add up to a person who not only fears for themselves, but fears for others too. You have in-built sensitivities to all things that relate to feelings. It makes you soft, compassionate, empathetic, loving & caring and makes you an effective human being. 

Now as I said above, when you’re full throttle in an anxiety spiral, there feels nothing good about those feelings. But know this: people who don’t give a care about others or themselves for that matter, do not the best humans make.

Don’t you want to be around the people who care? Around people who love? People who try so hard at all times?

I know I do. These people are MY people. 

I do not want people who care less for others. 

I want those that care. Full stop. 

So if your fear gauge gets a little off whack at times, due to the stresses and strains of modern life, then remind yourself that it’s not just anxiety, you just care, too much. 

Both these new ways of thinking have brought me immeasurable peace. 

You will still need to do the work. You may still need therapies. You will still need to give yourself all the love and compassion you deserve. Read all my posts here on how to do that. But whilst you slowly build yourself back up, try playing with the idea that this beast you live with, actually makes you who and what you are, and that my loves, is a beautiful thing.

Disclaimer:

If you are in doubt. I, for not one second, underestimate the devastation that fear can bring. I have lived it. And it has impacted every facet of my life. So it is not to be underestimated. You have to treat the condition as you would any other serious mental health issue. This post aims only to bring light and a possible new perspective. 

There is so so much more to report from these books. And I’ll be back with more. 

In the mean time, try to befriend your fear. Try to see it as your fiercest protector and it’s the good stuff that makes you so wonderful. 

Because no matter what, you are wonderful. 

Onwards my loves, 

Kiki x

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