DEPRESSION, CHRONIC ILLNESS // You are strong

‘You are strong!’ I can’t tell you how many times my loved ones have told me this over the years. Time and time again. I rarely believed it. I felt nothing like a strong person. I felt weak and timid and useless.

Strength and depression are not usually bandied about in the same sentence. It’s not something that a sufferer would think about themselves. When you suffer with depression and crippling anxiety, the last thing you feel is strong. You relate far more to a timid mouse! A lion? No!

But the honest truth is, I am strong. We are strong. To have lived through a depression for so long, you certainly need to forge a strength. Whilst you have no strength in your control over your feelings and thoughts, you do have to have strength to face each day. No matter what terrors it may throw at you. And then continuing to face those terrors every day for days, weeks, months and even years. This is no mean feat. It takes incredible strength.

For those who may doubt this strength, I guess I can see why. Maybe it all seems like a lack of self control. Or maybe it seems that depression is a self induced pity party. Maybe it seems like we need to get a over ourselves. Or Maybe it seems a matter of weak will and being overly sensitive.

The sad part is that, there is not one semblance of truth in this way of thinking. Anyone suffering real depression has no option to ‘opt out’. The disease engulfs you. It consumes every part of you. All your thoughts, feelings and emotions. It even takes over your physical being. There is no get out.

The strength comes in your attempts to get well again. You find yourself grasping at hope in whatever form it comes. Whether it be medication, talking therapy, holistic therapies, nutrition, exercise. Literally anything you can get your hands on. You are desperate. So desperate, you will try anything. This desperation in itself is exhausting. It means a roller coaster of high expectations followed by the disappointment of the fall back to the depths. So to travel this journey of constant mental anguish needs every ounce of strength you have.

Strength, it would seem, is associated with the seemingly strong. But it has been my experience that being strong is easy when life goes along OK. If things are going along swimmingly, then being a strong individual is almost child’s play. But, to be strong in the face of such hard adversity, is my definition of strength.

I’ve seen it so many times, where well meaning advice has been offered to me, by someone who had no real notion of the pain. It is not their fault of course. If I had not traveled this journey, maybe I would be of the same opinion. But I’m not.

I have walked a tough path. A path that has needed incredible guts and strength. Something I share with those suffering any form of mental illness. It’s bravery of the unrecognized kind.

But even through the darkness there is still so much beauty to be found. Whether it be a small kindness, or an acknowledgment of your struggle. Or that moment when you realise you’re winning again – that the fight may be over. Or for me, the beauty of my family and best friends sitting with me, listening and loving me, even though they have never really felt the feelings, they are there because I need them. But by far, the greatest beauty, is when you finally realise how strong you are. You finally see what you have been through. You are finally starting to heal and you look back, in admiration for yourself, at what you have endured. When you realise that your suffering has not been in vain, but it has been part of your journey. You will be OK. You made it!

It’s my honest view that, although some of my journey has been tough, I would not change any of it. It has made me the strong woman I am today. It has forged strength, compassion and kindness in me that I would never otherwise have known. It has brought people to my life that I would not have met. It has brought out the best in those I love; as they continue to fiercely love and protect me.

To be strong is really in the eye of the beholder. Whilst I may have days that I’m timid as a mouse, there is a lion in me that still wants to live. To be alive. To be me. So when the pain falls away, you’re left with a brand new version of yourself. The best version of yourself. The best version yet.

To maintain your sense of self throughout tough times, and to do it with humility and humanity, is the real mark of a strength for me.

The human soul is hugely resilient. I’ve seen it in myself. I have also seen it in those I love, who have been through such tough times. Somehow I, and they, keep going. They keep putting one foot in front of the other. They keep walking the path that is life.

So I encourage you; don’t ask for a simple life, but ask for the strength and resolve to get through whatever may cross your path. For it is in the parts of the journey that test us, that your true, higher self is revealed. This is when you really forge your strength.

Remain true to yourself. Know that the pain will pass. Everything is temporary. So focus only on your strengths. You’re so strong in my eyes. Together, as we shout aloud our plight, we forge strength between us and for us.

Life is tough my darlings, but so are you.

Onwards, Kiki xox

” You are smart, you are kind, you are beautiful and you are important.”

Don’t forget to subscribe in the subscription box at the bottom of the page. If your mobile, keep scrolling. If you’re on your laptop or PC then enter your email address in the subscription box on the right of the screen. This way new posts come straight to your inbox.

For more advice:

Depression & Anxiety

Well-being techniques

Fibromyalgia

Onwards. Always. Kiki xox