THOUGHTFUL SPOT // Staying positive. Just, believe. 

I don’t know about you, but I had plans. Life plans. When I was a teenager I dreamed of a career as a business woman. I had no doubt that it would happen. I had the brains, the personality and the drive. I was fit, strong and healthy.

Well if you have read this blog for some time then you know that plan didn’t quite pan out as I expected. I had a fantastic time at high school and sixth form and achieved my academic status. But things then changed, when my mental health changed.

My mental health is something that will always affect me. I accept that. I accept that the journey I have been on since I was 19, has not been easy in part, but it was obviously meant for me. And I accept it fully as part of me, as it makes me who I am. But I do get frustrated. I do get really pissed off. I have said on so many occasions, that for me to be authentic to who I am, then people have to know that I have another side to my personality. A side that leaves me depressed and anxious a lot of the time. And I also now have a body that doesn’t want to play ball. I accept it. But it doesn’t mean I like it.

I have had a fantastic life so far. Even though there have been episodes of tough times, on the whole I have lived a very happy and full life. So I’m always grateful.

But lately, when the physical pain and fatigue and the mental anguish show up, I can’t help but wonder, is this it? Is this how my life is going to be now?

The past year has been one of the toughest I’ve faced in terms of my health. But with all that, and whether you believe it or not, I have faith that things will turn around once again. Some days it’s harder to have faith. Some days I’m battered down, body and soul and I think I can’t take one more day. But I do. And then things brighten again.

I miss my friends. I miss my life as it once was. I miss so many things. But thankfully I have a hugely supportive family and a group of amazing women surrounding me, that I call friends. They all have the patience of a saint and I’m truly grateful to each one of them.

So I guess the point of today’s blog is not to dwell on what’s wrong. But actually remind you that even through the toughest times, you’re still living, still experiencing. And all of this is creating who you are and who you will be. So when the chips are down and you think you can’t take another day, remember, you have a 100% track record for ploughing on. No matter how hard it is or has been. So thats pretty impressive.

If you’d told me five years ago that I would be retired from the 9 to 5 and writing a blog, then I would have laughed. But life has a funny way of moving you into the direction you were meant to be in. This has given me huge amounts of faith and hope.

So if life is hard right now, hold onto that faith and hope. Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. I know this from experience. And whilst this has been a hard year for me health-wise, I still have so much to be grateful for and so many for whom I want to fight to get well for. I still have big plans.

I know better days will come. I’m not sure how or when. I just know they will. I ask you to believe too. I ask you to have a deep rooted belief that your best days have not yet happened. And some of the best are happening right now. How exciting is that?!

Bad times affect everyone. No one is immune. It’s how gracefully you deal with these times, that truly marks you as a person. So head up, chest out, Breathe deep.

At this time of year when Christmas is just around the corner and a new year beckons, you can’t help but wonder about things. About your life. Those you love. Those you miss so much. It’s a very tough time for some. So no matter what you’re facing, remember how strong you are. Remember there’s a plan for you. All this is temporary and new and brighter days are on the horizon. Sometimes you have to build from the bottom up. It’s not easy. But it’s so worth it.

You’re incredible in my eyes. The best is yet to come. Onwards my loves. Xxx