The Beginning, Not The End.

When you’re at the bottom it’s so dark, lonely and scary, that it’s no wonder you ask yourself ‘why is this happening to me?!

You can easily be forgiven for thinking that because of some bad choices or wrong turns along the way, that life has rewarded you with so much pain.

But it is my heart felt opinion and a fact that most spiritual writers will agree on, that this is not happening TO YOU. But it is happening FOR YOU.

This may sound so woo woo and crazy. How can something so awful, like the bottom falling out, actually be a gift to you?

The Universe has a funny way of giving you what you need. You may not even know that you need it. But you need it for sure. Somewhere in that big old mess is a life lesson or two. Or a big point towards the RIGHT direction for your life and your overall happiness and well-being.

The lessons are there. It’s not always easy to see them straight away, but they are there.

If I had continued on the path that I THOUGHT I wanted, I would still be working a job I hated in an environment that sucked all my creativity and happiness. I would still be running around doing everything for everyone else, but never giving myself time for me. never giving myself time to think ‘What do I really want?’

I was a doer. I was addicted to busy. Because busy means you’re successful and busy means you’re productive. And busy means you’re pleasing everyone.

But what I know for sure is this: what busy meant for me was that I never stopped long enough to just sit with me. To just be me. To just be with myself and my thoughts and my hopes and my dreams, and my grief and my losses and certainly not my aspirations. To be mindful and aware of my thoughts and my actions. To understand myself and my souls calling. To actually see the consequences of my life, my actions and my desperate lack of respect for myself.

If I had continued down the path that I THOUGHT was the best path, I would NEVER have created my blog. I would never have found my ability to write. I would never have known that I could share the thoughts in my head and that people would hear me and enjoy what I wrote; that my words could actually help people.

I would never have felt the joy of watching my niece grow each day and building the greatest relationship of my life, with her. I would never had stopped long enough to see my beautiful family around me. Loving me and supporting me. Or to be so grateful to spend time each day with a cuppa in my hand, thankful for another day. To be here with my amazing parents as they move into their golden years.

To feel such gratitude for the smallest things, that at one time we’re not even a blink in my eye.

So for me the bottom fell out. The result was a depressed, anxious, immobile, bedridden, exhausted girl.

But for the first time, when western medicine didn’t just fix me, I had to look for different answers. I found those answers in my spirituality, mindfulness and in various therapies. And whilst going along the journey to healing, I started having glimmers of hope and for the first time seeing what was wrong. I had a lot of old wounds and grief and sadness and all those things had been buried deep for a long, long time. So it was time to release them. It was not easy and sometimes the journey was very frightening and I felt the pain would never end. But for the first time feeling strength and peace and comfort and knowing, I asked myself was is worth it? And the answer was a resounding, Yes!

So if you’re at the bottom right now, then firstly be kind to yourself. Be loving and compassionate to yourself. And then try to turn your attention to the fact that this could be happening FOR you. What does your soul need? What does your heart desire? What does your soul yearn for? Do you need to heal old pain and hurt. Do you need to learn to simply love yourself? Then think about taking up the challenge to just stop a moment. To stop and be still with yourself and ask yourself some serious questions.

And as you work to build yourself back up with hope, prayer, medicine, and any other soothing way you can think of, think about how you’ve been given this time to make changes to your life so that your life can maybe be BETTER. So you can live the life you’re meant to live.

Being at the bottom taught me grace, strength, humility, courage and belief in myself and my abilities. But above all it taught me compassion for myself and my fellow man.

You will still need to do the work. You may still need therapies. You will still need to give yourself all the love and compassion you deserve. Read all my posts here on how to do that. But whilst you slowly build yourself back up, think that this may not actually be the end, but the beginning.

Onwards my loves,

Kiki x

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