WELL-BEING TECHNIQUES // How to stop worrying what others think Of you. 

Worrying what others think of us, is a global epidemic. It’s human nature to have consideration of others opinions. We are born that way. But if the balance sways to continuous worry, that is unwarranted, then the balance is off and we are missing the point.

Whether it be simply that you’re anxious that you’ve said or done the wrong thing. Or worrying whether someone likes you. Or you spend hours debating with yourself over what a certain person or persons thinks of you. If you are accepted and liked. Whatever it is, it can be debilitating and makes you generally unhappy. For what you are doing is endlessly seeking the approval of others. When the only approval you really need, is your own.

I spent many years worrying what others thought of me. This put immense pressure on me to be the best person I could be when I was with these people. Basically for the fundamental fear of them rejecting me if I didn’t. I can recount so many times wondering if I was liked, and funny, and happy and loveable. All that energy was used just to gain the approval of others and be ‘liked’.

Here’s The truth. All you really need to do is be yourself. Just as you are. Whether people like and accept you for it, is down to them. But trying too hard can often make things worse. Be your true self. It’s all that is really needed. You have so much to offer if you just allow yourself to be true to yourself. Don’t second guess everything you say and do.

You have to consider this. If you put so much importance on the opinion of others, then are you saying that you have more confidence in what others think of you, than you do in your opinion of yourself?

People will always have opinions. Some right. Some wrong. They are entitled to their opinion. What they think of you or anyone else, is really none of your business.

Spending wasted energy on worrying about others opinions or trying to change yourself to fit it, is just wrong. You are fine just as you are. Those that know and love you, will love you anyway.

We all make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. We cannot be perfect all of the time.  If you mess up, then say sorry and move on. Do not spend time worrying over your actions or character, for fear of being rejected.

If you actually knew how very little time others spend thinking about you, then you would realise how ridiculous it is to worry about it. Think of yourself. Do you spend endless hours thinking negatively about those you love and those you meet? I doubt it. And basically everyone is the same.

Life is pretty hectic these days and most people are just getting by and doing the best they can. Not many have the luxury of time to sit and think about others and how they feel about them. They may have fleeting thoughts. But that’s it.

So if you find yourself in a situation where you are worried what others think of you, my advice is stop! Firstly it is none of your business what they think. And secondly I can virtually guarantee they are either not thinking about you at all, and if they are thinking about you, it certainly is not in a negative way.

Now there is a balance. I know people who basically don’t give a hoot at all about what others think of them. These people, in my opinion, go too far the other way. They lack consideration for others and likely suffer an inflated ego. That’s ok. Let them be. I don’t aim to be that person. I will always have consideration for others. And I hope my ego never gets the better of me. I aim for balance.

When we are worrying what people think of us, I can virtually guarantee we are thinking the worst. Why do we assume the worst from people? Particularly those we know and love. Why do we assume that they are thinking the worst of us? If you have a relationship with a person, then chances are they are saying positive things about you, not negative.

How do you think and talk about others? I know that I generally only try to see the good in everyone around me. I can’t all the time. I’m human. Sometimes people disappoint me and I’ll have a moan about it. But then it’s gone. On the whole, most people are basically good. So give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are saying loving things and supporting you.

Gossip and chit chat will always happen. It’s human nature. But wasting hours on worrying about what others think of you is exactly that. Wasted hours.

I read a quote that said: ‘I used to walk into a room of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I walk into that same room and wonder if I like them?!’

Just be yourself. Be happy. Be positive when you’re around people. It’s contagious. And I guarantee it will make you feel stronger, giving you an upper hand, rather than feeling lowly and desperate for approval.

Have regard for others. That’s a good thing. But don’t overly worry what others think. Your opinion of yourself is way more important, so focus on that.

Onwards and upwards my loves. Xxx