Trusting Your Thoughts.

A Mindfulness approach to our thinking.

In my experience there are two states of being: One of fear; One of no fear. It’s usually possible to tell which state you’re in just by the way you feel in any given moment.

When you’re in a state of no fear then you are, I believe, your true self. Your real self. You know this state because generally it feels GOOD. When you’re in this state, you are in total alignment with your TRUE nature. You feel happier. You feel authentic. You’re not second guessing yourself. You’re literally flowing. Free falling. You’re your best self. You may be funny and attentive and you will be totally present in the moment. There is no negativity and no lacking. You do not feel resentment or anger or needy. You generally only wish good for yourself and others. You feel only as your best self.

In comparison, when you’re in a state of fear, the complete opposite is true. Everything is scary. Everything is negative. You may feel angry towards yourself and maybe towards others too. Even those you really love. You’re easily irritated and very judgemental. You fear your every thought and movement. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You second guess everything you say and do. This is when you are out of alignment with your true self. Your true self is lost in insecurity and fear and you see only doom and dismay. This, is the state of fear and when you’re in this state then all your thinking is muddied. You’re not thinking from a good place.

But, once you have the awareness of the difference between the two and the two states of being, then in reality you are back in control. For the first time, you can see, almost as a bystander, that the two states are so far removed from one another. One brings peace, calm and positivity. The other brings stress, fear and insecurity.

If you can start to see the real differences between these states and the very different thoughts and feelings they bring, then you are already ons step closer to recovery. Because for the first time you can differentiate between depressive and anxious thoughts and those good thoughts that only come from your true self.

All too often when we are depressed or anxious, we are caught up in a whirlwind. Our thoughts and feelings don’t feel like our own. We have heightened senses but not in a good way. We hear our every thought loud and clear, they shout negativity at us. They shout fear at us. They shout anger at us. But maybe until now, you were unaware that you could even take stock of these thoughts. Maybe you thought that all your thoughts were true and real and valid, no matter how you were feeling in any given moment. But if you take a step back, you can see that the thoughts that happen when you’re in a fearful spin, are not positive. They are the result of a depressive or anxious state of arousal.

It’s so common when in a heightened state, to lose track. To lose self. And in so being, we lose trust in our ability to think clearly and rationally. We lose trust in our ability to make a decision or have an opinion. But it is possible, through awareness of these thoughts, to gain a sense of perspective again and learn to trust the ‘good’ from the ‘bad’.

Knowing your true self gives you power over the negativity. Once you can recognize the darker fearful thoughts you can literally say “I’m in fear mode. I’ll think again”. Or “I’ll wait till this passes and I feel less fearful and disconnected”

So you start simply by labelling your thoughts; Fearful/Not fearful.

Then use other techniques such as thought stopping or mindful meditation, as a means of bringing your anxious thinking back to a calm level. The heightened sense will lessen and This will allow you to pass through the anxiety trap and back to peace. It may not be immediate, but you will have stopped the cycle. I’ve written a full post on overthinking which gives techniques to help you out of the fear trap.

None of this is easy. And it will take some time and dedication on your part, to become attuned to your personal ways of thinking; the good and the bad. But as you practice you will become adept at simply noticing the different thought patterns and which mode you’re in.

I call mine the ‘Kiki Radio’. When in an episode of depression and anxiety, then my ‘Kiki Radio’ plays constantly and at high volume. It’s not nice and I can get swept away by the torrent of insecurity and fear. But, by even having this awareness of the different thoughts that are playing in my mind, I am back in control. Awareness alone doesn’t always stop the radio playing, but it does mean that I am less afraid of my own thoughts and I can trust what is happening. I can trust the process. I can trust myself. And no matter how long the fearful thoughts play, I always know that at some point, the volume will lessen and I can eventually switch off completely.

I have learned that I do not make big judgements when I feel this way. I do not make important decisions, because in all likelihood those decisions are coming from a place of fear and doubt, and won’t be for my highest good. So anything that seems to be playing on my mind, I allow it to play and just wait patiently for calm to be restored. I wait for the storm to pass.

Remember though, that everything takes time. Especially training the mind. But by taking small steps, little by little you will become an expert at your own thought recognition and picking when and how to trust your thoughts, your instincts and your heart again. You will learn to relax even amidst what could be chaos going on in your mind. Because you will know it’s temporary.

It is my advice to avoid making big life decisions and judgements when you’re in a state of fear or depression. Because almost certainly they won’t be for your higher good or the good of those around you and those you love. Wait until some calm is restored. Wait for the storm to pass. You will know when it’s right because you will feel stronger, calmer and making decisions from a feel good place, instead of a place of fear. You will know it’s right instinctively and you will feel good.

Working on yourself, for yourself is the greatest gift. The greatest lesson for me and the greatest tool in my arsenal, is definitely mindfulness. And that is really what all this is about. You become mindful and aware of your thoughts, Your feelings and your instincts. You don’t necessarily have to sit in meditation to become mindful, although I do do this occasionally. You can just become more adept at recognising and labelling your thoughts that are fear based. You attach no feeling or significance to the fearful thoughts. You just let them be as they are and you move your focus elsewhere, normally onto something like your breathing or a clear noise you can hear. You then just let the thoughts play out and wait.

A great place to start on the road to greater peace of mind and understanding the way your thoughts process, is by reading Ruby Wax’s book: A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled. It’s so clever yet simple and gives, in my opinion, the greatest insight into how the depressed and anxious brain works. It’s not rocket science but it sure does make you feel better knowing that anyone who suffers, suffers for the same reason; a natural neurological and physiological response. I encourage you to take a look.

I’ll do a full book review. As I really feel it was a turning point for me in being able to pinpoint thoughts and have greater self awareness, which in turn brings freedom.

If you are depressed or anxious and you are working through treatment and dealing with fearful thoughts daily, its really important for you to take care of yourself and give yourself the best chance of recovery and follow your treatment plan. It really is exhausting like nothing else. So taking care of yourself is so important. Have compassion for yourself. This is not a choice, but faulty wiring. Show yourself some love and the storm will pass quicker.

Over the years I have used many therapies with great success. Each overlapping the other. But the skill of knowing your own mind and how depression and anxiety really work, particularly for you, is by far, the MOST important tool. It gives you understanding and knowledge. This knowledge gives you a sense of control and with this greater understanding, you feel a sense of peace. You can be assured that the state of fear will pass and this, in my opinion, is the most important thing. Knowing that the fear and depression will pass is the greatest gift and will give you strength to ride the storm.

Let me know in the comments if you have tried mindfulness techniques or if you have read Ruby’s book. Sharing is great, so please feel free to share this post with loved ones if you feel it could help them.

Sending love and strength always,
Onwards,

Kiki xox